My only regrets: Things to which I should have said fuck off, and didn’t

Is that really what you’re wearing?

I know he’s a nightmare, but could you just go along with him?

No wonder you’re not married, with the mouth on you.

You’re a bit old to be wearing that, aren’t you?

You’re a bit young to be wearing that, aren’t you?

Why do you have to be so opinionated all the time?

Hey love, give us a smile.

You’re looking quite matronly these days.

You’re too thin, don’t you ever eat?

You’re not really going to eat all of that, are you?

Well! That’s not the sort of language I expect from a lady!

You know what that skirt says to everyone, don’t you?

He’s three now, you shouldn’t cuddle him so much, he’ll grow up to be a sook.

Could you just be a bit nicer about it?

Bitch, I just asked for a smile.

Why are you being so selfish?

You women are so much better at manipulating people.

You need to compromise a bit more, he can’t do it, so you have to.

You’re too young to understand.

You’re too old to understand.

Fucking stuck up moll, would it kill you to be nice? All I wanted was a smile.

Could you just write this for us, it won’t take you long, the exposure will be great!

Sit down.

What do you mean you don’t want to see me anymore, I’ve been so fucking good to you.

Stop being so emotional.

You catch more flies with honey, you know.

What makes you think you know so much about this?

Look, I know, but it will just be easier if he thinks it’s his idea.

You could have at least put some lipstick on?

Shhhh.

You’ve got a few grey hairs now, shouldn’t you do something about that?

No, I don’t think that was your idea.

You know you’re never going to get anywhere with this.